This year is coming to a QUICK close and I can definitely say that I’ve done a lot of evolving. There have been many lessons learned as God continues to mold me into the woman He’s called me to be. In order to get this far in my personal growth, I’ve had the help of my therapist, doing self-work, a bomb support system, and my unwavering faith. I’ve learned to let go of the things AND people that did not serve me well in order to live a more fulfilling life. So, I’m sharing the 5 things I’m ditching in 2020 in hopes that they benefit you as well. Let it go, girl…LET…IT…GO!
1. Worrying about what other people think of me
I use to get so caught up in what others thought of me that I would try to hide away and pretend like I was invisible to make it go away. I felt like their thoughts were written all over my face like graffiti. Obviously that didn’t work out too well. I wasn’t blessed with invisibility. Worrying about what others think has held me back in so many areas of my life in the past that I’m not willing to forfeit now. I realized that I was the only one losing sleep over a comment that didn’t affirm me.
When it comes to how others view me right now, I DON’T CARE! I should have dropped this mindset a long time ago. For the longest, I actually believed that what others thought of me was my business. Well, it’s not. It’s honestly a personal problem that I’ve learned not to lose any sleep over.
If a person has nothing to do with my well being, i.e. pays my bills or plays an important role in my life, then what they perceive of me is really not my problem. The enemy is the author of confusion. When we focus on the negative opinions of others, we can easily get confused and lose focus on more important things. So put your blinders on and keep moving. There’s nothing to see over there.
2. Thinking everyone is my friend
Over the years, I’ve learned that some of the people I thought were friends weren’t really my friends at all. They had a different agenda. They took my kindness and times of vulnerability for weakness and did some pretty awful things. Sometimes people desire to get close to you for their own personal gain, whatever that may look like. The light that you omit can also illuminate the paths of others, but it’ll only take them so far. Watch who you call a friend. Pray that God gives you the discernment necessary to vet the people you surround yourself with and guard your heart.
3. Doubting how dope I really am
It took a loooooong time for me to recognize just how dope I really am. I mean, hello! I’m a daughter of the most high. I am God’s workmanship. I was created in His image alone. It still amazes me how God knew everything about me before I was even formed in my mother’s womb. I mean down to each breath I would take and the number of hairs on my head. Sometimes I have to do a double-take when I pass the mirror and affirm just how great of a creation I am.
This, of course, didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of looking in the mirror and searching within myself to gain this kind of confidence. It also took me searching scripture to realize how much care and detail it required to build me into who I am.
By comparing myself to others, I doubted my own level of dopeness. I forgot who I was and whose I was really quick. It took for me to look back at all God brought me through and allowed me to accomplish to really see how amazing I truly am. I stopped doubting myself and started walking with confidence in everything I did. If I fail, at least I can say I failed trying. God created everyone with a purpose. It would be foolish of us to compare our purpose and personal journey with anyone else.
I know exactly what God thinks of me and I’m doing Him a disservice if I think any less of myself. So, no, I won’t be doubting my own dopeness anymore.
4. Allowing things I can’t control to stress me out
Life is way too short to allow the things of the world to stress me out. Whether it’s on the job, my finances. or even my children, I’m not going to let ANYTHING or ANYONE add stress to my life. Since I’ve hit dirty 30 this year, I’m feeling all of my stress and anxiety in my body. I need to be able to function properly in order to be able to serve others and myself. I’ve learned that I don’t hold the answer to every problem. If I can’t solve it, I can’t do much about it. So in 2020, I’m dusting my shoulders off and preserving the joy that I have. I have too much to accomplish to be stressing in these streets.
5. Not setting boundaries with toxic people
Setting boundaries with the toxic people in my life was truly necessary. In the past, I continued to allow people near me that were clearly toxic because they may have been family or just a long-time friend. I worried more about not hurting someone’s feelings than preserving my own mental and emotional health. Yea, I’m not doing that anymore. Some relationships just can’t be healed. You’ve got to stop beating that childhood trauma or past argument like a dead horse and move forward. Protect your peace at all costs. If you don’t respect your own boundaries, no one else will. A person’s title in your life (mom, sister, cousin) does not make them entitled to cause you distress in your life. I set up boundaries with people I’ve never thought I would and honestly it feels amazing to know that I have control over my mental and emotional well being.
Besides drinking plenty of water and minding my own business, ditching these 5 things this year has left me with clear skin and a clear mind. I hope they were helpful to you. Let me know what you’re ditching in 2020 to better yourself in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!